So, it's mid afternoon. You've arrived in the Keys and you're ready to relax. Maybe not ready for the big party, but its been a long drive and you need to feel you're finally here. Start the process of unwinding. Take that deep breath. Inhale the salt air. Watch the sun on the water. Bond with the Locals. Order up a cocktail and kick back.

The first thing you need to know is ditch the dark socks! Then the long sleeve shirt and, as my kids used to call 'em, "long sleeve pants". It's pretty much a give-a-way that you're a touron if your shirt's still tucked in, but that's ok. It'll come out after a few days here.

If you're staying anywhere, and I mean anywhere near Key Largo, from mile 106 down to about the Tavernier Creek Bridge (90), the second thing you need to know is Snappers. www.snapperskeylargo.com Whether you're a local, or just want to feel like one, there is no other place in the Upper Keys that gives you such a sense of why the rest of us are here. There is no way for you to enter the inner sanctum of the locals any faster, than by walking up to the Turtle Club bar and introducing yourself. You're a stranger for about 2.5 seconds. As soon as you complete the initiation process: "Hi my name's (your name here), I need a (your drink here) and I'm here for (how long),- "the duration" works pretty well! you're in! Chances are the first thing you'll hear on the next visit will be: Hi (your name here); will you be having your usual. By then all the locals will know you, the name of your first born, and how you like your eggs. You'll be saying things like: Hi Susan, Hi Dicko, Hi Kirk, Hi Michelle, or "Thanks for calling that cab the other night. Was I really wearing a tutu, singing "I Love This Bar" on stage with Howie Wowie?"

The food's great, the locals forgiving, (make that "encouraging") and, most likely, you'll have stories to remember when you're sitting around in the home. You'll definitely have been to the Keys. If you see Howard, tell him ol' turtle #6 sent you. (as my sister Ellen once said to him in Boone: "Oh, So you know my crazy brother George?) He might not hold it against you!